I feel honored, in a way, to be able to make this post. To be able to, in some small way, advance the sum of human knowledge. I won’t pretend to be the only person who knows this. I won’t even pretend to be he first person who knew it. But there is something deeply satisfying about figuring something out for yourself and knowing it to be true. Perhaps even being one of the deep, eternal truths.
So, without further ado, I give you this: The more belt-loops it has, the better the pants.
Currently in my closet there are pants with 4, 5, 6 and 7 belt loops. Arrange them numerically by loops and you have arranged them by quality.
I would like to think that one day I will own a pair of 8 loop pants, and I shiver to imagine the poor wretch who’s belt is supported by 3. So, while I would not recommend judging a man by his pants, feel confident in judging a man’s pants by their loops.
*though not particularly interesting, it does contain two easter eggs.