One quality I wish I didn’t possess is an irrational fear of food poisoning. Once I feel that a food item has gone bad, there is no way I’m going to eat it. Unfortunately, there’s also no way I’m going to take it out of the fridge. It can live in there forever. I purposely did not post about the pepperoni dip that I made before Thanksgiving and finally threw out in late March. (It was a struggle to decide between wastefully throwing out the glass container or opening it to wash it – releasing toxic mold into the atmosphere. Sorry about your lungs, everyone.)
There was a tube of hamburger we bought weeks ago that’s just been sitting in the fridge, not being made into tacos or spaghetti sauce. I was afraid of it – I couldn’t just throw it out or some rat would eat it at the dump and die of food poisoning, and I couldn’t burn it in the fire pit because that would have attracted rabid dogs.
Lloyd mocked me mercilessly.
Lauren (nightly): “What are we going to eat for dinner?”
Lloyd: “Why don’t you cook up that hamburger?”
Lauren: “Are you kidding? It’s been in there for three weeks. Gross.”
Lloyd: “Do you know how long it was in the cow?”
Tonight, I saw my chance. Lloyd was at dinner with colleges at Olive Garden a meeting, and while he was out I bundled it up in foil and cooked it into an unrecognizable germ-free lump that I can throw out in good conscience.
You’re welcome, vermin. You’re welcome.
Brad says
If you cooked that hamburger until it was just carbon powder, you could sprinkle it in your garden as a soil amendment. Do you suppose the self-cleaning function of the stove would be able to accomplish that?
…sounds like an interesting experiment to me. AND it involves fire (sort of). Don’t you want to try it?
Rae says
I HATE cleaning out the refrigerator! I would rather donate Rubbermaid to the landfill gods than smell what is inside them. Thankfully I have Sam. He may not do EVERYTHING I want him to do but he graciously does the stinky things like getting rid of moldy food and cleaning the toilet. Thanks Sammy. I love you!
Kristi says
The zombie threat level has changed to black. Is this the time to be scared?
Peggy says
I noticed that too! It’s gotta be the smell of the rotten roll of gb that did it!
Peggy says
I mean that attracted so many to the area…I don’t think they’re fussy about their meat.
Lloyd says
Yes, be very afraid. This is by far the biggest change in the Zombie Threat Level we’ve seen. Apparently, there is a movement afoot to name the new Omaha UFL team “The Zombies.”
So the Blogosphere is abuzz with news about zombies in Nebraska. The Zombie Threat Level program just correlates that data and spits out a threat level color.
Peggy says
Not buying your story….it was the meat.
Lloyd says
No, really man. Just read the tweets.
Peggy says
Once I had bad meat & my family gave it to my dog!! I was furious! They said dogs can handle it…they’re equipped to handle rotten meat. What?!? But I looked it up & it’s true. (I still don’t allow bad meat to be fed to my dog) Do you suppose Eddie & his friends have the same speicalness?
From a healthy point of view, a dog’s gastric fluids and saliva are highly antiseptic; that’s why a dog can eat “rotten” meat and also meat from sick animals, all of which could easily kill a human being in a day. However, you should avoid meat with a suspicious color (coming, for example, from an inflammatory state); anyway, your dog himself will usually refuse this kind of meat.
Lauren's dad says
Is that why they are called Doggie Bags?
Curt says
But you used electricity to throw it out. Just think, if you gave it to me, I would have eaten it.