Bonehead

Bonehead

September 22, 2010

Journal

Thank you, Brad, for giving me a topic to write about. Otherwise you would have had to suffer through another photo of my foot or something.

Let’s talk about hearing loss. A couple of years ago I was getting so aggravated because I had a headache and my right ear was bothering me. Lloyd and I were assembling some lock-together-type metal shelves and when we would bash them with a hammer I wanted to cry because it was SO LOUD in my right ear!!! I stuffed tissue in it and we kept assembling.

So, I made an appointment with the ear doctor. I complained about the ear, and he brought out… a tuning fork. Was this a singing audition? No, he struck it and placed the handle on the middle of my forehead. Great. Voodoo.

Doctor: “Can you hear that?”

Me: “Yes.” (It was ringing in my brain. Did he think I was stupid?)

He struck it again and put it against the bone just behind my left ear.

Doctor: “Which ear do you hear that in?”

Me: (Silencing the ‘Duh’ that I wanted to say, I pointed to my left ear.)

He did it again and put it against the bone just behind my right ear.

WHAT THE WHAT???

Doctor: “Which ear do you hear that in?”

Me: (Pointing frantically at my LEFT ear. He really was doing voodoo!! AHHHH!!!!)

Well, it turns out that it’s not voodoo, and I wasn’t having super-hearing in my right ear, I’m going deaf in my left ear. It’s called otosclerosis. Apparently the little bones in my left ear are stuck together, so I don’t hear very well through the air, but the awesome super-power of this is that I hear things through my skeleton!! There are pluses and minuses to this.

Plus: I can hear a tuning fork if you put the handle on my elbow or hip bone. (Not quite the shin bone, though – it’s too far away.)

Minus: I can hear the plumbing rattle at school when I lean against the wall waiting for boys to finish in the bathroom.

Plus: When I bite the end of my ukulele and strum it my whole head turns into a cathedral! (Yeah, it sounds weird, but you don’t know.)

Minus: When someone at the end of the pew sings bass at church I want to scream because it’s SO LOUD in my head!

So there you have it. My only sorta-superpower and it’s a) useless and b) eventually going to be debilitating.

About Lauren

Lauren Sommerer is a preschool teacher who likes to build prototypes, grow cats, cook things once, save money, reduce, reuse and recycle.

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11 Responses to “Bonehead”

  1. Brad Said on:

    I think all the best superpowers are useless and eventually dibilitating. If you were a superhero crime fighter, would your name be Bonehead? Or would you go with something like Skele-hear or Earbone Girl?

    Reply

  2. Peggy Said on:

    AWESOME! It’s like your naturally bionic!

    The ankle bone’s connected to the ear bone,
    The knee bone’s connected to the ear bone,
    The leg bone’s connected to the ear bone,
    The funny bone’s connected to the ear bone…

    Reply

  3. Curt Said on:

    I’d hate to find out what that would do to my head. Maybe nothing…that would be good, right? Or maybe not. Hmmm.

    Crap, now I gotta get my ears checked. Anyone know a good ENT doctor in Lincoln?

    Reply

  4. christina Said on:

    I read that when you hear high pitched tones in your ear you are loosing that tone/range of your hearing…..I hear these all the time, so I am going to be deaf right along with you Lauren, but no cool super power to compensate.

    Reply

  5. Lauren Said on:

    I forgot two other things: I can hear my pulse (but maybe everyone can), and I can hear my eyes move when it’s very quiet. The first time I discovered that was while reading in bed at night. I heard a ‘whoosh whoosh whoosh’ and freaked out. I stopped reading -- it stopped. Back to reading -- “whoosh whoosh whoosh” / freak out & hold stock still -- no sound / lather, rinse, repeat. It drove me nuts!

    Reply

  6. Mary Said on:

    Lauren,

    I lost my hearing in one ear decades ago as a child. Keep your sense of humor and you’ll be fine. I have had ringing in my head ever since I lost my hearing but just recently began hearing my pulse as well. After a while it began to rattle me a bit (no pun intended). It comes and goes for months at a time but I’m always glad and relieved when it goes away.

    Reply

  7. Keren Said on:

    Me too, sis. I’m almost completely deaf in my right ear, and about half-deaf in my left (mostly high pitches). The plus is that when I go to bed, I sleep on my goodish ear and no sound can harm me or wake me up (including my alarm clock). It’s a great all-purpose excuse in a pinch. (I didn’t wake up in time because I’m DEAF!)

    Reply

  8. Mary Said on:

    A great excuse for a multitude of things. “Oh, did the baby wake up last night dear? I’m sorry, I didn’t hear him cry. Thanks for getting up with him.”

    Reply

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Floss, you idiot. | LloydAndLauren.com - September 8, 2011

    […] the weave of the dentist’s shirt reflected in the sunglasses), and a super-duper bonus, my stuck ear bones turn the drilling and grinding into a ‘my head is stuck in a race car engine’ […]

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