Oh, I was a dorky child. For as grubby as I usually appeared, you never would have guessed that I spent hours and hours locked in the bathroom doing soap commercials in the mirror.
Noxzema was a favorite, and if I can quote from their website:
On a wet or dry face, apply generously. With fingertips or a wet washcloth, gently massage your face using a circular motion. Rinse thoroughly. Avoid direct contact with eyes.
Well, I was giving this information to all the people out in Fake Televisionland long before the internet, and rest assured – the product was applied generously, massaged using circular motions (occasionally drawing letters or dots), and perhaps not rinsed as thoroughly as it should have been. (I was kinda grubby, remember.)
Ironically, I only wash my face with water now. Do you miss me, Noxzema? It’s because you never sent those royalty checks.