Secret Shame Solved

Secret Shame Solved

March 7, 2011

Journal

There are three things you should know about our bathroom:

1. For a long while we have battled this weird pink film that gathers where there is standing water. I’ve googled it and it’s from an airborne bacteria that loves standing water. The pink gathers around the sink and shower drains and it also grows in the toilet (barf) if it doesn’t get cleaned often enough. It mostly happens in the summer when it’s so humid. This winter it hasn’t happened at all.

2. Different topic. When I get out of the shower, I immediately slather all kinds of stuff on me to keep that moisture LOCKED IN. Chapstick on the lips, lotion on the face and legs, body butter on my weirdly lumpy, dry elbows.

3. Lately I have been finding that pink film in only one spot – the neck of my toothbrush. (barf) I was too embarrassed to show Lloyd because that meant that I was probably the source of the weird pink bacteria. I’m some bacteria-growing mutant unleashing bacterial havoc on the world!

Lloyd saw me wiping my toothbrush with an alcohol-soaked paper towel and asked about it. I showed him the pink film and laid it all out on the line – how apparently I am the source of the evil pink stuff.

He backed slowly out of the bathroom.

Later that very afternoon, while brushing my teeth – after applying more cherry (think about it) chapstick – it all came together.

(sound of mental gears) *grind* *grind* *grind* click.

It’s chapstick. I am an idiot.

About Lauren

Lauren Sommerer is a preschool teacher who likes to build prototypes, grow cats, cook things once, save money, reduce, reuse and recycle.

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7 Responses to “Secret Shame Solved”

  1. Amy Said on:

    you rock! I sometimes put on lipstick and then brush my teeth ~_~

    Reply

  2. Brad Said on:

    Chapstick before brushing? That seems backward to me. (Sorry, Amy) But some things should be done in a certain order:
    In the shower you should wash from the top down… You should never put lotion on your face before shaving… And you should wait until after brushing to put lip balm on.

    Reply

    • Lauren Said on:

      Ah, but there’s where you’re wrong -- you put chapstick on before and after brushing; also before and after eating; and while driving; and while walking; and while watching t.v.; and right before sleeping…..

      I had some pretty chapped lips back in the day. Remember Kathryn’s wedding? We all went in for makeovers and when the lady put DARK lipstick on me she commented on my horribly scabby lips,”Honey, you need some moisture on those.” Then when I went to wipe off the lipstick it had stained the dead lip skin and I looked like a leper.

      Excuse me, I need some chapstick….

      Reply

    • Amy Said on:

      ^^;; hehe it’s okay. Usually I’m getting ready for some big event. and then I’m like… bugger! I forgot to brush my teeth!

      Reply

  3. Peggy Said on:

    Ha! That’s hilarious! I’m glad you’re not spouting pink slime….wait, I take that back! That would be awesome!

    (Have you heard of the meat blocks that are apparently often used called pink slime?)

    http://www.alternet.org/environment/144904/yummy!_ammonia-treated_pink_slime_now_in_most_u.s._ground_beef

    Reply

  4. Brad Said on:

    Ha! I just noticed the tracks in your Chapstick. I’m gratified to see that. I leave tracks in my lip balm all the time. (I do not use Chapstick, so I’m calling it ‘lip balm’.)

    Reply

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