January 10, 2012


I went to the dentist today! Hey, whoever is keeping the record, please also note that I’ve actually had two dentist check-up visits within a year’s time. That is a marked improvement from my ‘six or seven years between visits’ standard.

My appointment was at 3:15, and I blissfully sank into the chair that just happened to be at the same angle as my sleeping chair and nearly fell asleep. Then Jenny* got out her pointy tool to evaluate my teeth.




Poke poke.


Small jab.

I thought we might be all done, but then she said, “Well, you have just a little bit of tartar on each and every tooth in all the nooks and crannies in your mouth and maybe some up in your brain. Sit back and relax while I blast it out with a jackhammer.”

I jest. She was really, really sweet and I really did just have little spots, but they were in between all of my teeth (I don’t floss regularly). She used a water-assisted scraper and it wasn’t too awful. The worst part was how my eyes hurt from staring at the fluorescent lights for so long. After a while I tried to estimate how many triangles make up the light cover on a 2′ x 4′ fixture, and I’m going with 80,000. Sccccrrrrrraaaaaape.

When it was over I got a goody bag full of stuff. This was different from previous visits where they would offer me a toothbrush and I’d politely decline. Heck, Lloyd and I have had the same one since we got married, why would we need another one? (Again, I jest.) This time she just handed me things that might perhaps keep the scraping and jabbing to a minimum.

Like an anti-Halloween bag.

I’ll do my best, Jenny.

When I was back visiting the actual dentist, I asked Lynn (dental assistant extraordinaire) that I wished I had asked Jenny: Based on a scale of 1 to 10 — 10 being the worst teeth you’ve worked on today – how bad were my teeth?

Lynn laughed, left the room, and came back with the answer: 2 and a half. Not too shabby, huh?

* I’m not sure if that’s her name.

About Lauren

Lauren Sommerer is a preschool teacher who likes to build prototypes, grow cats, cook things once, save money, reduce, reuse and recycle.

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6 Responses to “2.5”

  1. Ribs Said on:

    Not bad at all. Wouldn’t like to meet someone with a 10 though, eugh. I’m more of a 6-7 year checkup kinda gal too. However, I did make the effort a year ago and was mightily offended when the dentist wrote that my oral hygiene routine “could be better”. I felt like I was being told off at school! I am a demon brusher and have been previously told off for too much brushing. How dare he! I shan’t go back for another 7 years, that’ll teach him. And I’ll have fewer teeth to worry about by then, I’ll bet. Who’ll be sorry then, overly critical dentist. Oh, hang on…


  2. Gretchen Said on:

    I might have said this before, but that 2.5 is relative. Come to the clinic where I go (I realize this would entail some serious travel, but it would be fun.) When nearly every other patient subsists on Monster Energy drinks my teeth are a 10 every time. (And I’m a terrible flosser too.)


  3. Brad Said on:

    I get a bag of stuff every time I go. I like the new toothbrush (I replace mine twice a year -- sorry, ocean), but I don’t need the tongue scraper, the saccharin-filled toothpaste, or the tiny box of super-fragile floss. I wonder if they would just let me take the toothbrush…


  4. Peggy Said on:

    Dang, 2.5 is excellent…especially being that late in the day (10 would be the best, worst teeth right? Geez, I finally have a shot at being a ’10’….too bad it’s not the Bo Derek kind 🙁 )!

    I actually have a dentist appt. today at 3:20pm for a routine check-up/cleaning. If I have enough nerve, I’ll ask where why teeth fall in line with today’s other patients. I’m hoping to be a 5 or under.


  5. Kristi Said on:

    You actually keep your eyes open while they’re doing all of that water-cleaning-scraping stuff? I close my eyes. Although in your case, you might fall asleep. Shoot, Jenny or Lynn might just let you rest there as long as you want. Then maybe you’d get a dental chair for your home; it could be the new recliner.


    • Lauren Said on:

      I thought about the chair, too. I was fascinated how it was so comfortable. In my own chair I often slide/slouch down as I sleep, but I don’t think it would be possible in the dentist’s chair. Lloyd may have to scour some auctions….


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