Cooking with Lloyd

January 29, 2013

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Sometime before Christmas my Mom and Das sent us a giant ham. It has been a lifesaver when it comes to saving dinner. When we are stuck for food ideas I just pull out a bag o’ ham and we’re good to go.

The latest meal plan involved a package of dried-out potato slices that, with proper care, could become scalloped potatoes. Lloyd decided he would make them.

Then he read the directions.

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“What? ‘Stir frequently?!’ is that more or less than ‘often’? This is stupid. Someone should write these directions for men.”

Then I made the potatoes.

Dear Lloyd, this is what they mean:

1) In our pan that has the hollow handle, put two measuring cups worth of hot water in, two big pats of butter, and a half-cup (measuring cup) of milk. Don’t use that jug of skim milk that has been in the fridge since Brad was here at Christmas. See how it is dangerously swollen? That’s some sort of fermentation going on, and I don’t want to deal with it. Develop a blind spot for that jug like I have, and for heaven’s sake, don’t bump that jug. Use a scoop of the powdered milk and a half-cup of water and… oh, just move over and let me do this part. Add the potato discs.

2) Put the pan on a big burner and turn it to Hi. It is not greeting you – that is the temperature. Watch the pan for about 3 minutes, and it will boil. Stir it once per minute, scraping the bottom of the pan.

3) When it has started to boil, turn the heat to 2, set the timer to 15 minutes (and press Start) and cover the pan with the glass lid. Stir it once every 90 seconds (you wanted me to be specific). You might want to bring a book over to the stove.

There. What did I miss?

About Lauren

Lauren Sommerer is a preschool teacher who likes to build prototypes, grow cats, cook things once, save money, reduce, reuse and recycle.

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7 Responses to “Cooking with Lloyd”

  1. Kristi Said on:

    turn it to Hi. It is not greeting you. — Ha!

    oh, just move over and let me do this part. -- Yup.

    Reply

  2. Brad Said on:

    IANAC, but I would say that the main point of stirring is to keep stuff from sticking to the pan. If it’s sticking, you’re not stirring frequently enough.

    If, on the other hand, you’re feigning ignorance so Lauren will say: “let me do this”… well done, sir.

    Reply

  3. Lloyd Said on:

    My big gripe was the “stir frequently”. How can I know what that means. Is it more times per minute or fewer times per minute than “often”? I’m pretty sure it’s more often than “occasionally”, but I wouldn’t know what that meant either. I think recipes should always be given in “stirs per minute.”

    And don’t even get me started on what a “stir” actually is…

    Reply

  4. Lauren's mom Said on:

    Idahoan instant potatoes are my “go to” when I am in a hurry. I’m sure Lloyd could follow those directions!
    Once, I tried to make garlic mashed potatoes Quite a tiresome and time consuming set of directions. So I asked a friend how she made them. She told me about the Idahoan instant stuff. Roasted garlic, or baby reds, or homestyle. Take your pick. Good enough!

    Reply

  5. Lauren's dad Said on:

    They are easy to stir once and then let them sit.

    Reply

  6. Peggy Said on:

    HAHAHA! This made me laugh! YOU FUNNY LAUREN!!

    (I’ve been sick with the flu & am just catching up on posts)

    Reply

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