August 12, 2007

Journal, Lauren

We went to Lincoln today after I painted for a while in my room. I had some errands to run and Lloyd said he needed to do some computer stuff at school ‘for a couple of hours’. I’ve been married to him long enough that I should know by now that he really means ‘forever and ever’. So since I’m losing valuable work time, I shall swallow my impatience by typing.

One of the things I bought was a new faucet for my classroom sink. I didn’t get the absolute cheapest, but the next cheapest. It’s made by Peerless, and I don’t care if it’s not any good, because the instruction pamphlet is hilarious! Since I’ll be here at LL forever, I’ll copy what I can.

“Undo it yourself – All instructions for installing new faucets have the same first step: “Remove the old faucet.” Well, we at Peerless thought it was about time someone provided some instructions for that, too. Good luck to you, and may all your coupling nuts turn freely.

Step 1A – Preparing the sink. You’re going to need all the room you can get under the sink, so now would be the time to remove any cleansers or toilet paper rolls elsewhere (and to ditch that old half-used jar of hair gel.) Also, place a towel in the sink before you begin working. This will protect the sink’s finish, and keep you from dropping any small parts down the pipes.
Step 1B – The penetrating oil. Do this 24 hours before you start taking the old faucet out. Get a spray can of penetrating oil, and lie under the sink on your back (wearing safety goggles to guard against drips). Spray the oil on the old tailpiece, mounting nuts and supply-tube coupling nuts. Now get out from under there and go enjoy your day. Let the oil do it’s work.

Step 1C Shut off the water. Shut off the water vales under the sink by turning them to the right. If those valves won’t turn (or if there are no vales under there, or if you’re just extra-cautious) you should shut off your house’s main water valve, too. After you’ve shut everything off, try running some water in the sink. Did any water come out? No? Good. It wasn’t supposed to.

(Lauren breaking in here. I started using this about 15 minutes ago, back when Lloyd said, “About 15 minutes more”. Let’s see how it goes . Back to Peerless.)

Step 1D Now it’s time to disconnect and remove your old faucet’s pop-up assembly (that thing that raises and lowers the stopper in y our sink.) (It’s all technical stuff here – not funny – so I’m not typing it.) Ta-da. Your pop-up is popped-out.

Step 1E. Unscrew the mounting nut that’s holding the flange and tailpiece onto the sink basin as far down as it will go. Again, this may take and adjustable wrench pliers (and if you like, a few mild curses). (Blah blah, technical stuff.)

Step 1F Remove the coupling nuts. Grab your basin wrench and remove the supply-tube coupling nuts. Watch out for falling rust. (Break for Lloyd showing me some kid’s iMovie.) That stuff is no fun to get in your eyes, and even less fun to get in your mouth.

Step 1G Spit and drink a pop. See? We told you it was no fun to get that stuff in your mouth.

Step 1H. Remove the tailpiece mounting nuts. Again, use the basin wrench. remove the tailpiece mounting nuts this time. Again, look out for falling nastiness. Have you banged your knuckles on the pipes yet? If so, congratulations. Get out from under the sink, apply a bandage, and move on.

Step 1i remove the old faucet. Try remove the faucet from the sink by pulling it straight up. In a best-case scenario, the faucet will come right out. In a could-be-better-case scenario, the faucet will just sort of sit there, snickering at you. If that’s the case, move on to step 1J.

He’s done! I can’t give you the last step! 25 minutes.

About Lauren

Lauren Sommerer is a preschool teacher who likes to build prototypes, grow cats, cook things once, save money, reduce, reuse and recycle.

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5 Responses to “Fun-ny”

  1. karla Said on:

    I’m sold! I’ll buy Peerless just for the instructions!


  2. Brad Said on:

    Ha! This reminds me of my favorite mail order gardening place. The plant descriptions in their catalog are hilarious! HERE’S one example.


  3. Beth Said on:

    Two posts in one day is too confusing to me… But I’d buy Peerless and Bartels plants any time to reward their clever marketing.


  4. Peggy Said on:

    Dang it Lloyd! Couldn’t you have worked just another 5 minutes? We want the last step! We want the last step!


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