Rubbed the wrong way

December 29, 2009

Drawings, Lauren

Well, I’ve had my first massage, and I lived through it. Now, many of you who know me are aware that I have an extremely large personal space, and also some touchy-feely issues, so this was a pretty big deal.

I’ve had a big knot of stress living in my back for quite some time, and two little knots joined it when we braved the terrible roads to Missouri. Hot baths weren’t cutting the mustard, and a massage sounded great. Brad is a massage expert, so I asked him to go along and get one, too – as my Mr. Miyagi of massage.

Brad went first, then it was my turn. It was…. alright. Kevin was chatty, and I was nervous so I was chatty right back. After talking to him for a whole hour I think I now know him better than Brad or Lloyd. He worked on my non-sore side for a long time, then when he got to the sore side he touched the spot by my shoulder blade and asked, “Is that your knot?”

Me- “Yes.”

Kevin -“It’s a good one.”

Me- “Thanks, I’ve been working on it for months.”

He spent the whole rest of the time trying to work the knot out, which is what I wish he would have done that the entire time. All in all, I feel better.

Wait – I forgot the two worst parts. The second worst part is that you are resting your face in a padded toilet seat (a very nice, freshly wrapped-in-soft-cloth toilet seat, mind you) for an entire hour. Your nose gets stuffy, then really stuffy, then almost drips, so you start breathing through your mouth and then there is the awful possibility of drooling. Closing your mouth to swallow your drool causes your nose to make honking and squeaking sounds. Lovely.

The worst worst part is that after you are done resting on your 40-year-old skin for an hour, your face becomes permanently creased.

Yes, I highly recommend a massage. If you’re in your twenties.

About Lauren

Lauren Sommerer is a preschool teacher who likes to build prototypes, grow cats, cook things once, save money, reduce, reuse and recycle.

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15 Responses to “Rubbed the wrong way”

  1. Amy Said on:

    My mom has gotten a massage, and she loves them…
    I totally should have gotten one while I was in Peru… it would have been way cheaper..But I guess if I’m a lot of pain, I can always ask my Dad for a massage…


  2. Brad Said on:

    You’re doing well, Daniel-san. Next, we’ll try a woman therapist and see if that’s any easier for you.


  3. Deborah Said on:

    I have always had a female. One time I told the receptionist that I would take male or female, then I was nervous while waiting thinking that I might get a male and that would be weird. But then I got a female which is also weird. Every time I get a massage, at some point I think, “This is weird.” But they feel so good, so I keep going back.
    That’s my story.


  4. Peggy Said on:

    HA! I LOVE your picture!

    And way to step out of your comfort zone! I hope Kevin got rid of all your knots…because then the uncomfortablness really is worth it. I’ve had 2 massages in my life…and like Deborah…I too have thought “This is weird.” Yet wonderful!


  5. Peggy Said on:

    PS…If you do try a female…let me know if that’s less weird, or more weird. Either way, tell her not to talk. (I pretend to be deaf so they don’t talk to me)


  6. Jill Said on:

    At the beginning, I always say, “sorry if I fall asleep.” Translation, don’t talk to me, otherwise, this is weird. I prefer not to make small talk when I’m wearing a blanket/towel and being poked by a stranger.

    I also prefer female if only because then I don’t have to worry about the man being a) creepy or b) really good looking. ‘Cause obviously, those are the only two options. Ha!


  7. Charles Said on:

    Hi All,
    Sitting at the front desk, waiting for today’s mail (gave the school secretary the day off) -- -- anyway…

    I personally have had two massages -- the first, by a rather large and very powerfully voiced Jamaican woman back in 1995. All I remember is that she said, “Git yu undressed and up on da table!” so I did.

    Second, last year by another female who pretty much just rubbed my shoulders and it was rather painful -- Deb had the same gal but I think enjoyed it more.

    On another note, I have a serious case of Settlers of Cattaan withdrawl! Can anyone PLEASE help me out there??!!


    • Lloyd Said on:

      I’ve got your back…

      “I’ll give you wood for two sheep”


    • Deborah Said on:

      You’re very dark and mysterious in your picture, Charles.


    • Peggy Said on:

      How odd…my 1st massage was by a Jamaican too…only it was a he & he was rather soft spoken. For my second I requested a female, but she called in sick so I got some strange guy that had ‘an alternative style’ that was just weird. Weird.


  8. Kristi Said on:

    I had my first Swedish massage this summer. She did something strange, though. She pulled on my hair and tugged at my ears. I think she was doing that to…. “eliminate the cares of the world in the little bubble that is now floating out of the room, down the hall, out the front door, into the sky, to a land far, far away.” After that awkward moment, the rest of the hour was awesome!


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