Honey, fear’s ready.

April 21, 2010

Cooking, Drawings

One quality I wish I didn’t possess is an irrational fear of food poisoning. Once I feel that a food item has gone bad, there is no way I’m going to eat it. Unfortunately, there’s also no way I’m going to take it out of the fridge. It can live in there forever. I purposely did not post about the pepperoni dip that I made before Thanksgiving and finally threw out in late March. (It was a struggle to decide between wastefully throwing out the glass container or opening it to wash it – releasing toxic mold into the atmosphere. Sorry about your lungs, everyone.)

There was a tube of hamburger we bought weeks ago that’s just been sitting in the fridge, not being made into tacos or spaghetti sauce. I was afraid of it – I couldn’t just throw it out or some rat would eat it at the dump and die of food poisoning, and I couldn’t burn it in the fire pit because that would have attracted rabid dogs.

Lloyd mocked me mercilessly.

Lauren (nightly): “What are we going to eat for dinner?”

Lloyd: “Why don’t you cook up that hamburger?”

Lauren: “Are you kidding? It’s been in there for three weeks. Gross.”

Lloyd: “Do you know how long it was in the cow?”

Tonight, I saw my chance. Lloyd was at dinner with colleges at Olive Garden a meeting, and while he was out I bundled it up in foil and cooked it into an unrecognizable germ-free lump that I can throw out in good conscience.

Mmmmm....the bacteria gives it that special tang.

You’re welcome, vermin. You’re welcome.

About Lauren

Lauren Sommerer is a preschool teacher who likes to build prototypes, grow cats, cook things once, save money, reduce, reuse and recycle.

View all posts by Lauren

11 Responses to “Honey, fear’s ready.”

  1. Brad Said on:

    If you cooked that hamburger until it was just carbon powder, you could sprinkle it in your garden as a soil amendment. Do you suppose the self-cleaning function of the stove would be able to accomplish that?

    …sounds like an interesting experiment to me. AND it involves fire (sort of). Don’t you want to try it?


  2. Rae Said on:

    I HATE cleaning out the refrigerator! I would rather donate Rubbermaid to the landfill gods than smell what is inside them. Thankfully I have Sam. He may not do EVERYTHING I want him to do but he graciously does the stinky things like getting rid of moldy food and cleaning the toilet. Thanks Sammy. I love you!


  3. Kristi Said on:

    The zombie threat level has changed to black. Is this the time to be scared?


  4. Peggy Said on:

    Once I had bad meat & my family gave it to my dog!! I was furious! They said dogs can handle it…they’re equipped to handle rotten meat. What?!? But I looked it up & it’s true. (I still don’t allow bad meat to be fed to my dog) Do you suppose Eddie & his friends have the same speicalness?

    From a healthy point of view, a dog’s gastric fluids and saliva are highly antiseptic; that’s why a dog can eat “rotten” meat and also meat from sick animals, all of which could easily kill a human being in a day. However, you should avoid meat with a suspicious color (coming, for example, from an inflammatory state); anyway, your dog himself will usually refuse this kind of meat.


  5. Lauren's dad Said on:

    Is that why they are called Doggie Bags?


  6. Curt Said on:

    But you used electricity to throw it out. Just think, if you gave it to me, I would have eaten it.


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