I went to the dentist today! Hey, whoever is keeping the record, please also note that I’ve actually had two dentist check-up visits within a year’s time. That is a marked improvement from my ‘six or seven years between visits’ standard.
My appointment was at 3:15, and I blissfully sank into the chair that just happened to be at the same angle as my sleeping chair and nearly fell asleep. Then Jenny* got out her pointy tool to evaluate my teeth.
Scrape.
Poke.
Sccrrrrrraaaape.
Poke poke.
Sssssssccccrrrrrraaaaaaape.
Small jab.
I thought we might be all done, but then she said, “Well, you have just a little bit of tartar on each and every tooth in all the nooks and crannies in your mouth and maybe some up in your brain. Sit back and relax while I blast it out with a jackhammer.”
I jest. She was really, really sweet and I really did just have little spots, but they were in between all of my teeth (I don’t floss regularly). She used a water-assisted scraper and it wasn’t too awful. The worst part was how my eyes hurt from staring at the fluorescent lights for so long. After a while I tried to estimate how many triangles make up the light cover on a 2′ x 4′ fixture, and I’m going with 80,000. Sccccrrrrrraaaaaape.
When it was over I got a goody bag full of stuff. This was different from previous visits where they would offer me a toothbrush and I’d politely decline. Heck, Lloyd and I have had the same one since we got married, why would we need another one? (Again, I jest.) This time she just handed me things that might perhaps keep the scraping and jabbing to a minimum.
I’ll do my best, Jenny.
When I was back visiting the actual dentist, I asked Lynn (dental assistant extraordinaire) that I wished I had asked Jenny: Based on a scale of 1 to 10 — 10 being the worst teeth you’ve worked on today – how bad were my teeth?
Lynn laughed, left the room, and came back with the answer: 2 and a half. Not too shabby, huh?
* I’m not sure if that’s her name.
Ribs says
Not bad at all. Wouldn’t like to meet someone with a 10 though, eugh. I’m more of a 6-7 year checkup kinda gal too. However, I did make the effort a year ago and was mightily offended when the dentist wrote that my oral hygiene routine “could be better”. I felt like I was being told off at school! I am a demon brusher and have been previously told off for too much brushing. How dare he! I shan’t go back for another 7 years, that’ll teach him. And I’ll have fewer teeth to worry about by then, I’ll bet. Who’ll be sorry then, overly critical dentist. Oh, hang on…
Gretchen says
I might have said this before, but that 2.5 is relative. Come to the clinic where I go (I realize this would entail some serious travel, but it would be fun.) When nearly every other patient subsists on Monster Energy drinks my teeth are a 10 every time. (And I’m a terrible flosser too.)
Brad says
I get a bag of stuff every time I go. I like the new toothbrush (I replace mine twice a year -- sorry, ocean), but I don’t need the tongue scraper, the saccharin-filled toothpaste, or the tiny box of super-fragile floss. I wonder if they would just let me take the toothbrush…
Peggy says
Dang, 2.5 is excellent…especially being that late in the day (10 would be the best, worst teeth right? Geez, I finally have a shot at being a ’10’….too bad it’s not the Bo Derek kind 🙁 )!
I actually have a dentist appt. today at 3:20pm for a routine check-up/cleaning. If I have enough nerve, I’ll ask where why teeth fall in line with today’s other patients. I’m hoping to be a 5 or under.
Kristi says
You actually keep your eyes open while they’re doing all of that water-cleaning-scraping stuff? I close my eyes. Although in your case, you might fall asleep. Shoot, Jenny or Lynn might just let you rest there as long as you want. Then maybe you’d get a dental chair for your home; it could be the new recliner.
Lauren says
I thought about the chair, too. I was fascinated how it was so comfortable. In my own chair I often slide/slouch down as I sleep, but I don’t think it would be possible in the dentist’s chair. Lloyd may have to scour some auctions….