We had a bakery in town, but it is closed because the owner has been battling cancer for several years. They sold donuts, cookies, breads & rolls, cakes and coffee. It is dearly missed by the townsfolk, and as Lloyd and I drove by yesterday, I said that I should quit my job and open it back up. Except, if I opened it, I wouldn’t sell that other stuff: just donuts. Glazed donuts. My customer service would be right along the lines of Pop-N-Dog, my surly restaurant. This time, though, I would have a heavy Brooklyn accent.
“You want a chocolate donut? No. We have glazed donuts. How about you eat a bite of donut and a bite of a Hershey bar?”
“You want bread? Bread like the bread they sell at the grocery store? Does this look like a grocery store?”
“You want cookies? Are you standing by a tree? Do I look like an elf? We have donuts here. Glazed donuts.”
“You want a cake donut? Isn’t that just cake? Go somewhere and buy a cake. Oh, you want to buy a cake now? How ’bout I sell you three glazed donuts and you stack ’em up. Boom. Cake. There’s even a spot for a candle.”
“You want donut holes? Sure, I’ll sell you a box of air.”
“Coffee? Are you kidding me?? JD’s Coffee Shop is just down the block. Hey, if you go there, bring me back a cup.”
Michelle says
Hartland always enjoyed that shop!
Brad says
As I read all of those, I heard your voice with a Brooklyn accent.
If you did sell just glazed donuts, it would be a LOT easier to make the donuts. Amirite?
Lloyd says
Lauren has already forced me to buy 37 glazed donuts.
Tammy says
Laughed out loud with stack 3 glazed donuts. Boom. Cake. Hilarious! Sorry -- I like the rolls with “pudding” in the middle and chocolate on top.
Lauren's mom says
I really like the “cartoon Lauren”. And this was a really funny post. It made my day!