This is just a collection of some funny things my students have said over the years. If you’re looking for some actual preschool information, you can head over to my horribly neglected website geared toward helping new teachers get a handle on the year: preschoolpointers.com
“My daddy said, ‘you don’t touch your eye on soup’.” — Sam, who often doesn’t make a lot of sense.
“There are only two things in the world I’m aftaid of. Plain snakes and squeezy snakes.” –Riley
“I peed on my head.” –Boone, after yes – peeing on his head while sitting down.
“She doesn’t want you.” –Sam, spoken sinisterly to his friend Haleigh who was being lured away by another friend.
“When we drink milk, does it get on Jesus?” –Micah, processing the idea that Jesus is in our heart.
“How come in Seward our ice cream man gots meat?” –Hunter, speaking about the Schwan’s truck.
Me, in a resigned voice to the boy with his head back spouting mashed fruit- “Micah, what are you doing?”
Micah – “Gargling.”
Me – “That’s applesauce.”
Micah – “I know. I can’t make it work.”
“The sun, it’s hottin’ me up” –Sam
Jaylee, approaching me with a wad of folded paper in her hands – “I need that thing that makes it hold still, like a book.” (stapler)
Audrey, listening to our toddler teacher play the accordian – “Mrs. Zoya’s playing her Concordian again!” (Only funny to those who know that our local college is called Concordia.)
Reegan, who I figured out later was talking about Smokey the Bear – “At the fire station? That bear? He didn’t eat me! He shook my hand!”
Student Teacher (reviewing lesson about the 10 lepers) – “What were those sick men called?”
Ellie – “Germ… mans?”
Audrey brought an ice cream cake complete with heart-shaped princess plates and princess napkins. Owen looked at them and asked with disgust, “Do we have to use those plates?”
“If you want cake you do,” I answered sweetly.
Owen marched over to Sam and said, “If we want cake, we have to use those plates! And those napkins!”
To which Sam replied with horror, “What if there’s forks?”
Parker – “I’m going to be a policeman when I grow up. What are you going to be when you grow up, Mrs. Sommerer?”
Me – “I don’t know – what do you think I should be?”
Parker – “An astronaut.”
(Sounds good to me.)
[while we were having snacks outside]
Me – “Hold on to your napkin or it will blow away.”
Justin – “Yeah, that’s called glittering.”
Co-Worker – “It’s been a rough day. You’ll need a d-r-i-n-k when you go home.”
Sam – “Does that spell nap?”
Me – “Yes. Yes it does.”
Austin (3) was having a sad, bad day and as we sat criss-cross in the hallway, waiting for the bathroom, he put his head on my knee.
Me – “Austin, your turn in the bathroom.”
Austin – (his little voice muffled by my pants) “Austin isn’t here.”
Austin (notice how he’s in these a lot? He’s a funny guy.) was in housekeeping thwapping away at a doll baby with a wooden spoon.
Me – Austin, we don’t treat babies like that. Practice being kind.
Austin – But Tanner said it was a zombie baby.
Me – *resigned sigh* We don’t have zombie babies here.
Again with Austin: He had to go back inside to put another sweatshirt over the one he had on. He emerged with both hoods over his grumpy face – “I don’t look gweat.”
Jack, after being denied a turn with the plane by a friend – “He made my feelings sad.”
Again – Jack. I walked up to him during our Grandparents’ Tea and asked if he was having fun. “Yeah!” he said, “My cousin is here!! His name is Grandpa.”
Three boys are running on the playground. Lead boy calls out, “Run! There’s a T-Rex chasing us!”
Other boys: “Ahhhhhhhh!!!!”
Lead boy: “Now a girl wants to marry us!!”
All boys: “AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” (Because of course that’s much, much worse.)
My kids are learning about seeds. On our last day we were using up all the beans, so they were using them in letter collages. I got out some big tweezers in case they wanted to pick them up that way. As one of the little girls marveled at how she could pick up a single bean, she said, “It’s like using pork chops.”
Carson, looking down at his bowl of sugar smacks – a beige cereal with little brown splotches – “Did they cut this off a giraffe?”