Well, it’s Sunday again, so Lauren is letting me post something. It turns out that “Walks into a bar” jokes are my favorite sort of joke. Here are a few to get started, but feel free to play along.
The first one is my very favorite. I tell it to my 7th grade math class each year. Every year I prep them by explaining that some of them will get it right away, some of them will get it in 13 seconds, some in 2 minutes and one in two days. I make them swear a solemn oath not to explain the joke after they get it. Every year someone comes in two days later and tells me they just got it.
- A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer and a mop.”
- A horse walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Why the long face?”
- Two men walk into a bar, but the third one ducks.
- A termite walked into a bar and said, “Is the bartender here?”
- A pony walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, may I have a drink?”
The bartender says, “What was that, I couldn’t hear you.”
So the pony says, “I’m sorry, I’m just a little hoarse.”
- This duck walks into a bar and the bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, buddy, your pants are down.”
- A rabbi, a priest, and a bishop walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
- A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey buddy, you’ve got a steering wheel down your pants.”
The guy replies “Yeah I know. Its driving me nuts!”
- A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a large Gin and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tonic.”
The bartender replies, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
- A <noun> walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“Here you are, that’ll be $7.50. You know, we don’t get many <noun>s in here.” replies the bartender.
<noun>, “At these prices I can see why.”
- Two jumper cables walk into a bar. Bartender says, “You guys better not start anything in here.”
- A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I
haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”
“What do you mean?” says the pirate. “I feel fine.”
Bartender: “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
Pirate: “Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”
Bartender: “Well, okay, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”
Pirate: “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a
sword fight. Me hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine, really”
Bartender: “What about that eye patch?”
Pirate: “Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I
looked up and one of them crapped in me eye.”
“You’re kidding,” says the bartender. “You lost an eye just from birdcrap?:”
Pirate: “It was me first day with the hook.”