Sorry Chuck. Sorry Brad.

With apologies to both Chuck Norris and Bruce Schneier, Here is the complete list of Brad Royuk facts for your enjoyment. Perhaps you can send us one of your own? Or maybe you can make one of these funnier? There’s a comment form at the bottom to send in suggestions.

Brad Norris

There is no objective that Brad Royuk can’t teach to.

Brad Royuk’s proximity-based discipline works from up to three classrooms away.

Brad Royuk doesn’t need students; students need Brad Royuk.

In outcome-based education, Brad Royuk IS the outcome.

Brad Royuk has NEVER left a child behind.

You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! Unless Brad Royuk teaches it to you.

If you didn’t get an “A” in Brad Royuk’s class, it’s because Brad Royuk didn’t want you to get an “A”.

In Brad Royuk’s classroom ALL credit is extra credit.

“I” before “E” except when Brad Royuk says so.

Brad Royuk’s gradebook is the only gradebook classified as top secret by the U.S. government.

“What’s up with kids these days?”
They didn’t have Brad Royuk for a teacher.

Bad students get sent to the principal… Bad principals get sent to Brad Royuk.

It’s 10pm. Brad Royuk knows where your children are.

Brad Royuk knows every student’s name… before they are born.

When Brad Royuk’s chalkboard needs cleaning, someone brings him a new one.

The red ink in Brad Royuk’s pen is human blood.

When a student asks to pound Brad Royuk’s erasers, the erasers leap for joy.

When Brad Royuk pounds his own erasers the other erasers are jealous.

Brad Royuk has NEVER used an eraser.

Brad Royuk’s pencils don’t HAVE erasers.

The school day doesn’t end until Brad Royuk says it ends.

Brad Royuk doesn’t NEED to take attendance.

Brad Royuk’s objectives begin, “The student will be able to… OR ELSE.”

Brad Royuk doesn’t NEED lesson plans.

At Parent-Teacher conferences, Brad Royuk doesn’t NEED parents.

Brad Royuk doesn’t NEED a seating chart.

There IS no substitute teacher for Brad Royuk.

In Brad Royuk’s classroom there ARE no reluctant learners.

ALL education with Brad Royuk is special education.

Brad Royuk’s grading scale uses ALL the letters.

Brad Royuk doesn’t need in-services. In-services need Brad Royuk.

By the end of the year, ALL Brad Royuk’s students are gifted.

Harry Wong gets his teaching advice from Brad Royuk.

The only way to fix America’s schools is to clone Brad Royuk.

The Three R’s: Reading, ‘Riting and Royuk.

They should call it Braducation.

At graduation, Brad Royuk’s students weep openly.

A student talked back to Brad Royuk… Once.

Brad Royuk doesn’t call your parents, he calls your next of kin.

Brad Royuk’s ties can teach better than you can.

Brad Royuk could teach Chuck Norris a thing or two.

Brad Royuk believes in Lifelong Learning… So be careful.

Students dream of misbehaving in Brad Royuk’s classroom so they can have detention with Brad Royuk. But no one misbehaves in Brad Royuk’s classroom.

If Brad Royuk had been your teacher you’d be President now… or maybe an astronaut.

Brad Royuk doesn’t need to grade papers – he can peer into your soul.

There IS no back row in Brad Royuk’s classroom.

Once Brad Royuk gave a kid in the front row “The Look”, and a kid in the back row burst into flames.

No matter how many students are in Brad Royuk’s class, the teacher to student ratio is ALWAYS 1 to 1.

Brad Royuk’s students pray to NOT have a snow day.

Brad Royuk doesn’t HAVE snow days.

Dogs don’t eat homework assigned by Brad Royuk.

When Brad Royuk gives a man a fish, he eats for a lifetime.

Other teachers just pretend to care. Brad Royuk really does.

If Brad Royuk taught a man to fish… There would be no more fish.

Experience isn’t the best teacher… Brad Royuk is.

If you haven’t learned your lesson then Brad Royuk didn’t teach it to you.

Brad Royuk IS the school of hard knocks.

Brad Royuk CAN teach an old dog a new trick.

Students don’t get Brad Royuk off-topic. Brad Royuk gets students off topic.

Bill Nye calls Brad Royuk to explain science to him.

Students don’t need to raise their hands in Brad Royuk’s class. Brad Royuk already KNOWS their questions.

Brad Royuk taught the world to sing… in PERFECT harmony.

Did you think of a new one? What about a way to write one of the current ones that’s funnier?

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