Not all they’re cracked up to be.

Had you asked me as a little girl if I’d like to have a cat who had
kittens, I would have gleefully jumped and down and perhaps squealed.

Had you asked me as an adult three months ago – same reaction.

When I actually had Princess Batman, crazy unstable cat? Still hopeful.

Now?

Oy.

It is not all that it is cracked up to be. The messes – oh, the
messes. Yes, I understand that they are just babies and this is a
phase and soon many of them will be gone and I will look back on this
time with the pleasant gift of amnesia and remember it fondly, but
currently I am living in a high state of rage most of the time.

The big factor now is that a few weeks when it was cooler and humid,
we left the windows open all the time, and the humidity must have
released uncleared Cricket pee smell from the subfloor in the play
area, and PB found it and was peeing there at night. GAAAARRRR! Now NO
ONE comes to the upper level until this is fixed. Carpet out, doses
and doses of specialized cleaner and a coat of primer tomorrow.

Then there is just the constant little stuff, like how they decide –
as a group – to start screaming for no reason:
“What do we want?”
“We don’t know!”
“When do we want it?”
“NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!”

Or, screaming when they poop. Honestly. “I’m pooping! I’m pooping! Meow! Meow! It’s coming out of my butt! Alert! Alert!”

We have been using World’s Best Cat Litter (Multiple Cat formula), but
bought a couple of bags of regular formula last week, and all of a
sudden it started to smell like vomit on Saturday, which threw me into
yet another weeping rage fit. (I’m a little hormonal, too, so it’s not
just the cat stuff.) It was all dumped and replaced with different litter. ‘Bye, money. Hello, cobbled-together fan system.

Oh, and I can’t sweep the floor (once a day) or scoop the litter boxes (three times a day) without five demon ‘helpers’ leaping and attacking my cleaning implement. “Get it! Get it from her hand! Give us back our poops, copper!” “Just take them out of the room,” I hear you say. Well, you try getting five kittens to stay anywhere, even with a door between you! Take two out, close the door, take two more, edge door open and set them out, one darts back in. See how this math works?

Oh, and the counters. They are locked in the bathroom at night but get to run around the first floor during the day, because five kittens in a bathroom 18 hours a day would be cruel, so they get on the counters. I can squirt them with a dinosaur when I’m here, but have to rely on tape loops when gone. Tape loops, you are letting me down.

Oh, and Princess Batman, who has stomach issues, still doesn’t cover her poops. Neither does Christopher Robin, who has inherited her mother’s stupidness, scratching at the sides of the litter box, thinking that it’s getting the job done. (Princess Batman lives in the basement during the day so she doesn’t corrupt the others.)

So, while there are steps being taken to make it all better, surely I’m
allowed to have a little pity party with my First World problems, right?