Not all they’re cracked up to be.

September 2, 2012

Drawings, Kittens, Princess Batman

Had you asked me as a little girl if I’d like to have a cat who had
kittens, I would have gleefully jumped and down and perhaps squealed.

Had you asked me as an adult three months ago – same reaction.

When I actually had Princess Batman, crazy unstable cat? Still hopeful.



It is not all that it is cracked up to be. The messes – oh, the
messes. Yes, I understand that they are just babies and this is a
phase and soon many of them will be gone and I will look back on this
time with the pleasant gift of amnesia and remember it fondly, but
currently I am living in a high state of rage most of the time.

The big factor now is that a few weeks when it was cooler and humid,
we left the windows open all the time, and the humidity must have
released uncleared Cricket pee smell from the subfloor in the play
area, and PB found it and was peeing there at night. GAAAARRRR! Now NO
ONE comes to the upper level until this is fixed. Carpet out, doses
and doses of specialized cleaner and a coat of primer tomorrow.

Carpet, pad, and baseboard out. Three soakings of enzyme cleaner. Primer tomorrow.

Then there is just the constant little stuff, like how they decide –
as a group – to start screaming for no reason:
“What do we want?”
“We don’t know!”
“When do we want it?”

Or, screaming when they poop. Honestly. “I’m pooping! I’m pooping! Meow! Meow! It’s coming out of my butt! Alert! Alert!”

We have been using World’s Best Cat Litter (Multiple Cat formula), but
bought a couple of bags of regular formula last week, and all of a
sudden it started to smell like vomit on Saturday, which threw me into
yet another weeping rage fit. (I’m a little hormonal, too, so it’s not
just the cat stuff.) It was all dumped and replaced with different litter. ‘Bye, money. Hello, cobbled-together fan system.

Here is the kennel, with a fancy new ventilation system.

Oh, and I can’t sweep the floor (once a day) or scoop the litter boxes (three times a day) without five demon ‘helpers’ leaping and attacking my cleaning implement. “Get it! Get it from her hand! Give us back our poops, copper!” “Just take them out of the room,” I hear you say. Well, you try getting five kittens to stay anywhere, even with a door between you! Take two out, close the door, take two more, edge door open and set them out, one darts back in. See how this math works?

Oh, and the counters. They are locked in the bathroom at night but get to run around the first floor during the day, because five kittens in a bathroom 18 hours a day would be cruel, so they get on the counters. I can squirt them with a dinosaur when I’m here, but have to rely on tape loops when gone. Tape loops, you are letting me down.

They leak.

Oh, and Princess Batman, who has stomach issues, still doesn’t cover her poops. Neither does Christopher Robin, who has inherited her mother’s stupidness, scratching at the sides of the litter box, thinking that it’s getting the job done. (Princess Batman lives in the basement during the day so she doesn’t corrupt the others.)

So, while there are steps being taken to make it all better, surely I’m
allowed to have a little pity party with my First World problems, right?

About Lauren

Lauren Sommerer is a preschool teacher who likes to build prototypes, grow cats, cook things once, save money, reduce, reuse and recycle.

View all posts by Lauren

7 Responses to “Not all they’re cracked up to be.”

  1. Brad Said on:

    Yikes! And I wondered once what it would be like to breed cats. I think that question is answered -- too much work.


    • Lauren Said on:

      I think if you are a breeder, you set up part of your house for that specific purpose. If I could close off the bedroom and bathroom and empty out the bedroom of anything I cared about, I’d do that. We had them that way for a while but they grew enough to jump the fence. I am unwilling to install a door there.


  2. michelle Said on:

    Gee when we moved to the country and Miss Kitty blessed us with kittens it was summer and they were outdoors, for most of the time. After awhile one doesn’t care if nature takes it course and a few go missing! My AC pipe cover was destroyed, the electric starter on the gas grill was chewed in two, the list goes on, but I wasn’t cleaning a cat box. They all made it and found homes.


  3. Kris Said on:

    Bless your heart! And, I’m ashamed to admit that your suffering (or at least the retelling of it) is making me laugh. We’ll pray for new homes SOON!


  4. Kristi Said on:

    Wasn’t Lloyd offering bonus point to kids at school who took kittens? Where are those people????


  5. Kristi Said on:

    P.S. I love your cartoon drawing for today.


  6. Quiana Said on:

    This is what I keep trying to explain to my boyfriend about puppies (and children). I should just photoshop that picture of weeping litter box cleanings into his man cave and see how that goes.
    I have a hard enough time with our little house and big yard. (And my goals are low-- I just want the yard to look nice enough that people don’t automatically assume it’s a crack house.)
    Boyfriend’s response to my nervous breakdown/pet threats: $300 vacuum and the attachments that allow you to vacuum the dog.
    1. This man apparently has never vacuumed *near* a dog.
    2. He wants to give me ONE MORE THING TO CLEAN. Dogs are like giant rugs that also need to poop and chew on your things.


Leave a Reply