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A long time ago I made a post about Citrus Magic, the amazing orange spray that makes your bathroom smell like candy, even after unspeakable things have occurred in there. Well, sometimes unspeakable things occur outside the home, and I thought I could do something about it.

At work, the main deodorizing spray is cinnamon-scented, and while it does a fairly good job, I am beginning to associate the smell of cinnamon with poop. I’d like to try the Citrus Magic, but it’s a little pricey. Instead of taking my whole precious supply to school, I’m going to sneak some in and see if this product can take on six toddlers who are toilet-training.

I’ve had this perfume atomizer for years, and have no idea where it came from. I’ve never had a chance to use it, but now this thing finally has a noble purpose. Go, Citrus Magic!

Our health insurance has a thing going where if you track your health habits and aim to do better, they will give you money. Beth bought some cool bedroom stuff with her money last year, and Deborah told me, “Sign up. It is a no-brainer.” Well, having no brain, I signed up.

Lloyd and I are in the beginning stages. We filled out our health questionnaire, which is worth some money, and then he went to the ‘healthy eating’ part of the website and said that he would eat five servings of fruits and vegetables…. a day.

Lauren: “A day?!? Not a week?”
Lloyd: “Yes. That is totally do-able for me. Our school lunches are spectacular.”
Lauren: “Hmmmm…my bath soap says something about cucumber in it, so I guess I’m good, too.”
Lloyd: “That’s not what they mean.”
Lauren: “And my chapstick is strawberry! Don’t topical applications count?”

So, I am going to venture out and try some new veggies, because my standard fallback is canned green beans – the only vegetable I actually like. We eat a lot of green beans around here.

I decided that if we sampled one new veggie a week, that would be a healthy option, and also a guaranteed post! Up this week: Brussel sprouts, the tiny little cabbages that make you feel like a giant.

I roasted some up (not a bunch, because this was an experiment) and glazed them with a balsamic reduction and added a few dried cranberries a’la Pioneer Woman, and I have to say – they were not disgusting. They did stink up the house, though, but not as bad as the rotten garbage. (They also did not stink us up, since I bought some Beano to take ahead of time. I’m a planner.)

The Nebraska Liberty Caucus people hosted a debate for the Nebraska candidates for U.S. Senate in Kearney this past Saturday. Lloyd wanted to be there Friday night to help set up, so we drove in and got a hotel room. *sigh* I truly love hotels – except for the whole threat of bedbugs. (I am very vigilant when I check over the room.) We stayed in a room which had an unnecessarily giant dresser to hold up the t.v.

Lo and behold – it’s not just because the t.v. might be made of lead, it housed a tiny kitchen inside!

Lloyd had already strongly hinted that I should actually go to the debate, so I did. I sat waaaaay in the back, though, and kept my head down so no one would recognize by the look in my eyes that I was an outsider. “She doesn’t understand politics! She doesn’t belong here!! Let’s try and persuade her with our arguments to be one of us!”

I was actually glad I went. I took notes on my iPod to follow what the candidates were saying (and also to stay awake) and it turns out that I do have a favorite. Deb Fischer gets my vote, and not just because she was nice to me the last time I saw her.

After the debate, Lloyd stayed for a RLC meeting and I went shopping. See? We both got what we wanted.

On the way home we decided to stop at the Kearney over-the-interstate museum. (I’m sure it has a regular name, but that’s how I always think of it.) We arrived at 2:54 and they stopped selling tickets at 3, and we were the only visitors. The entire staff was very friendly and said, “Take your time! Stay as long as you like!” but I could feel their “Dang it, we were going to get to go home early but these morons showed up” vibe.

We rushed through. It’s 10 bucks apiece, and I don’t need to go again, but I’m glad we stopped. You put on headphones and walk around as people (from the pioneer days through the 1950’s) talk in your ears about their journeys across America.

Kearney was a hotspot for all the big trails – Oregon, Mormon, the trans-continental railroad, the Lincoln highway, and I-80 – the first interstate to be built. As you walked from era to era the narration, lighting, and ambient noise changed, along with the life-size dioramas with their creepily realistic mannequins.

Just like a man – oblivious to a woman doing all the work.

Lloyd and I went to Kearney Friday night, but I’ll save details about that for tomorrow’s post. Today’s post is about the horrible stench we came home to. Grrrr.

Before we left on Friday, I thought something smelled funny and thought it must be the dishwasher. It wasn’t anywhere near full, but I threw detergent in there, started ‘er up, and we got out of Dodge.

When we came home Saturday afternoon, it smelled like a sick shark had thrown up in here.

I

Was

Livid!!!

I yanked open the dishwasher and yeah, it smelled vaguely gross still. But then I opened the door to the garbage cupboard and literally almost threw up. It was so nasty!! I don’t even know what caused it, but I yanked out the whole garbage can contraption and all the shelves and was yelling and mildly cursing while Lloyd just stood there in fear and wondered best how to approach the situation without getting knifed.

I started spraying the inside of the cupboard with enzyme cleaner and then washing with bleachy cleaner and then I threw out the garbage can. (Each time we have a smelly episode I scrub the can out with bleach but the smells seem to do cumulative odor damage.) I’m done with it. Heck, I threw out the blender that lived in that cupboard because it smells funny. After the scrubbing I lit a candle and it will live in there until it burns down the house. Smoke smell would be an improvement.

After that I went on a rampage in the kitchen about how those stupid white counters are always, always stained, then I scrubbed and bleached the bejeebees out of them, too.

Then I fumed about how the garbage disposal is never going to get fixed and it’s all gross in there, so I Soft-Scrubbed down inside the disposal.

Lloyd started to sit down at his computer during my rant and I said – very calmly – dangerously calmly – “I am going to need your help for five minutes to clean this downstairs area before I blow a gasket.” Bless his heart, he did.

Some other stuff happened – I found a bag of sprouted potatoes downstairs and accidentally broke a glass candleholder – so then there was anger sweeping in the basement. Grrrr. Then I was on a good old tear so I started the laundry and Soft Scrubbed the bathtub. Grrrr.

(Deep breath) I feel better now. And the house is cleaner, so there’s that. What am I going to do about my garbage can situation, though? I don’t know if I’m going to get the same thing or not.

Lloyd is going to a Rebublican Liberty Caucus today and has gently chided me to go along and listen to the debates so I’ll know who to vote for, but…… that sounds like something a grown-up would do so I think I might go window shopping instead.

What are you going to do today?

Brad, Brad, Brad, Brad,
Happy Birthday, you’re so rad!

Plants, plants, plants, plants
You yearn for spring, but not for ants.

Donuts, donuts, donuts, donuts,
You can’t eat them, hence you go nuts.

Friends, friends, friends, friends,
We’ll write some poems ’til day ends.