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Beth scored a Magic Bullet at a yard sale (for 10 bucks!) and invited us all over to celebrate it’s amazing abilities by making Dinner in a Bullet. I harbored some deeply, deeply envious feelings toward it, and Lloyd – after his disastrous smoothie experience with our terrible blender – was quietly plotting how to steal it.

The infomercials do not lie. This machine is incredible! Beth made guacamole, stuffed mushrooms, alfredo sauce and chocolate mousse for us all – only dirtying a sheet pan (for the mushrooms), a sauce pan (to boil noodles) and the Bullet. Lloyd was in charge of drinks, and he made margaritas, Pretty Drinks (for the kids and me), Peach Bellinis, and then just started blending whatever looked good.

So, if any of the good people at Magic Bullet read this, I would like to skip paying for the first one, and instead “Wait!” because “There’s More!” and just receive my second Magic Bullet for free.

So, not to brag or anything, but I am a Yoga goddess! Yessir, my ten minutes of stretching in the mornings has actually effected a change on my body! Listen up, people – I can touch the floor.

This may not be a big deal to the many, many of you that can do that with ease, but it is something I have not been able to do since….. ever. With a stretch, I could get my fingertips to touch, but not my whole hand (like my mom). While I’d like to thank yoga for this miracle, 50% of the credit has to go to good ol’ geometry. As it turns out, when I would try to touch the ground, I was swingin’ my backside way out for balance. It turns out that if you just lean forward: the floor’s right there. Huh.

I still can’t put my whole hand flat on the floor, but it’s getting easier!

The other thing I am amazed at is that I can sit up at a 90-degree angle with my legs out straight in front of me, another never-before-in-my-life happening. I am flexible in some ‘fold-up-to-put-in-a-suitcase’ ways, but anything involving straight legs was a no-go. Now, I can even touch my toes sitting up like this! There’s still some pain, but I’m stretching out all those muscles on the the backs of my legs!

Wait…. now I’m just going to have a droopier butt.

Dang it.

Lloyd had a Republican convention on Friday. He put an announcement in the paper, but was worried that with everybody’s summer plans there might not be enough people, so he called up our friends (Kevin, Deborah, Beth & Harold) and invited them personally. (Thanks for going, guys.) I didn’t go because I am an idiot when it comes to politics an independent, so I just help him set things up at the Civic Center and then left. I like to think that I did my part for our country by using lots and lots of tape.

Anyway, I went home while they Republicaned it up, and told Lloyd to call me when it was over and I’d help him take down the gobs of tape. In the meantime, I struggled to stay awake.

Imagine my surprise when Lloyd just walked in the door and said, “Kevin helped me take everything down. Do you want a ride in his sidecar?”

Do I want a ride in his sidecar? His sidecar? Dear Lloyd, I believe that might be the reason I was put upon this earth!

It was most impressive because Kevin made it. He bought the bike and the platform for $200, and bolted on a big oval horse trough. The seat is from a tractor and is just sitting in there. I. Love. It. As we took off down the street I hollered, “If we should die doing this, I don’t regret a thing!”

After an exhilarating ride around a few blocks, we came back so Lloyd could trade me places and go off with Kevin to have a drink and talk computer gibberish.

I’ve told Lloyd that we need to renew our wedding vows, and this time I’m going to demand a sidecar. He has informed me that vows don’t work like a Christmas letter to Santa. Hmmph. What does he know.

Did you know that I’ve been typing ‘wrong’ my whole life? Apparently you are only supposed to put a single space after a period. That is not what I learned, because I learned typing on an ancient machine called a typewriter, and I’m pretty sure the book said two spaces after a period. Well, guess what? The book was wrong. Lloyd and I actually had a disagreement about this a couple of months ago, and I shook my fist and said that single-spacing was some new-fangled religion that he’d better stop sniffing around, but then I read this article.

If you care about such things, this ought to make your blood boil.

Click here to read the article that proves me wrong.

By the way, I had to back up and remove the extra space I made after every period in this post. Old habits die hard.

Bleh. I do not feel well. Here’s hoping that this is a short-term stomach thing because if I am sick on a Saturday I will be MAD.

Over & out.

I have an iPad now, and I’ve been using it this week to get up a few minutes earlier and try some yoga via YouTube. You might remember that I have plans to be come a tai chi master. (I planned that four years ago, but tai chi has all that movement. I’m working my way up to it.)

At 5 a.m. I go into Brad’s room and turn on the iPad to meet with Esther, my internet instructor. She is from the Netherlands, and her soothing Dutch accent makes her seem exotic and wise. I’ve only done her ‘beginners’ material, because I only have 15 minutes for this health thing.

My favorite has been the ‘morning flow‘ video – only 9 1/2 minutes of stretching while I fall back asleep. Esther says things like, “stand up…spreading the toes once more… really feeling it… soften the face…. feel the air on your skin…. you could still be a little bit caught up in the dreamland of the night….” Standing? Stretching my toes? Feeling air? That is my kinda exercise!

There are a few problems. 1) I keep falling asleep. 2) I have no flexibility in these poses. 3) My glasses keep falling off my face. 4) When we do the arm circles my crunchy shoulders sound like somebody is trying to blend a smoothie in my back. 5) There is alternately too much air on my skin or not enough.

It’s better than nothing, though. I even ordered a set of yoga cards to take to school. I though that I could just have a few out and the children could practice the stretches. I bet they can put their foreheads on their knees. Darn flexible kids.

I say we start placing bets on how many more days before I quit. Hot tip: Pick 2.