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Hello, person who finds our site by searching for these words. 😀

Drat our living in the Midwest!   I’ve bemoaned the lack of a close Ikea, and we also don’t have cool stores like Trader Joe’s, and probably never well.  (Although I see that there’s on in St. Louis where my brother lives, so maybe I’ll have to plan a road trip.)

An extremely clever man wrote the world’s best non-endorsed commercial* for the store, and I’ve been searching for the lyrics.  Either my search skills stink or  they’re not out there, so here they are:

(Please don’t sue me, Carl Willit.)

It’s milk, it’s bread, it’s the stuff on your list
It’s the strange little snacks you end up buying instead.
It’s booze, it’s nuts, it’s pills, it’s peas
It’s the peanut butter made of sunflower seeds.
It’s a box of soup, it’s a bell from a boat,
It’s yogurt made from the milk of a goat.
A bottle of juice with a crazy name,
Ten kinds of soy milk that all taste the same.
A two-dollar wine that tastes like four,
All your favorite stuff they don’t have anymore.
It’s the cashews flavored with chili and lime,
It’s the bunch of bananas you buy one at a time.
It’s the stuff that’s organic and the stuff that’s not.
It’s the cars that won’t fit in the parking lot.
It’s the bottled water they keep by the door.
It’s the ginger soy dressing they don’t have anymore.
A snort, a sniff, a gourd, a snack,
It’s the apple juice that’s addictive as crack.
It’s cilantro pizza, it’s organic lox,
Four Fuji apples in a plastic box.
It’s all the new products that come and go,
The exact same sample five days in a row.
It’s mint flavored dog food, it’s an ear from a pig,
It’s your morning coffee in a cup this big.
A handle that rips on a paper sack,
That checker you like – who’ll never be back.
It’s the plastic grapes hanging over the wine,
It’s the guy with twelve items in the ten item line.
The electronic field that stops your cart,
The blackboards covered with employee art.
It’s a ball of ice cream that’s covered with flour,
It’s the shelves that are empty by the dinner hour.
It’s the beautiful moms in their yoga clothes,
It’s our favorite place – it’s that store, Trader Joe’s.
It’s the cage-free eggs that aren’t free range,
It’s the canned corn label that they never change.
It’s the cereal shaped like a little man,
It’s those great tomatoes for just a dollar a can.
It’s five different flavors of lemonade,
It’s dried bull penises done up in a braid.
It’s the organic sugar that just won’t pour,
It’s the aged gouda cheese they don’t have anymore.
It’s cylindrical salmon, it’s pills that fizz,
It’s aloe chunk juice – whatever that is.
It’s the information that nobody reads,
It’s a small watermelon without any seeds.
It’s the oldies music they always play,
It’s the guy who says, “Put that camera away”.
It’s the workers who smoke in the back of the store,
It’s that guy Trader Joe who’s not there anymore.
It’s the manager who asks you to go,
It’s our favorite place – it’s that store, Trader Joe’s.

The music is Aguas de Marco – very nice!

* By the way, he also made the Christmas Hershey’s kiss commercial where they play like bells.  Cool, huh?

(UPDATE: I see you out there in cyberspace searching for these lyrics. What brings you here? Is it the new Trader Joe’s going up in Lincoln? Can I get a woo-hoo?)